|How'd you get here?
So it's been a while since I've done anything with my web site. And when I say it's been a while I mean that it's been months. It was so bad I had to update my age, weight, and pictures. Lame, I know, but I’m here for you now.
Today I was doing some maintenance and reading over the site statistics. Part those reports are what search terms people typed in to wind up finding something on my site.
And that's where we're at-- my content offering today is your own content. Literally. It's as if I ate the crap you gave me and returned the favor the next day. My entire post is about your search terms. And by you, I mean you. And that one person you told about my Matthew McConaughey post. Since you’re basically the only one who visits this site, you should recognize most of these.
Let me start by saying that, for obvious reasons, “Chaz Watson” or “Chaz San Diego” are the most common searches that lead here. Now that Chastity Bono is Chaz Bono, anything with the word Chaz in it seems to be associated with the Bonos. Personally, I think I’m owed something for that. Cher, you can make things better by giving me a backstage pass. I’m just saying.
Beginning our adventure, the most common non-Chaz search term was “workaholic”, and I can understand that. The thing I don’t understand is how “workaholic” was searched for only during business hours. Are you people mocking me?
Related phrases for you non-working workaholic web surfers include “bang head here” and “work is killing me”. Telling, isn’t it?
The next most popular category of searches is really for the people who appear in my entries. Most of the time it looks like the visitor was searching for their own name. If you’re trying to find yourself, I’d recommend taking a long walk on the beach. You might make things worse by reading what I have to say about you. Yes, Kris Van Cleave, I'm talking to you.
Another category, if you can call it that, would be for all things colonic. Yep, you read that correctly. Just call me the definitive source, because apparently you’ll find me when you go looking for “colonic”, “colonic dvd”, and “Elton colonic”. It's good to know I can provide that kind of relief.
“Sears SNC” is also popular. That’s a little wireless gizmo the associates at Sears use to do inventory and such.
And finally we come to the WTF category of searches. This is the good stuff. This is what you've been craving. You’ve made it this far, slurping up this thin soup of an article, and now you’re down to the bottom of the bowl-- the meat byproduct of this entry.
My web site was clicked on by people searching for:
“sing n' style commercial”
”pig nose on human”
“fuck this school you fucking bitches!!!! from chaz”
Yes, these are for real. I’m not funny enough to make this crap up. Frankly, I think all these searches came from one person. And I certainly hope you found what you were looking for.
Web Site Restored
I had some technical difficulties with my site but it's back up now. So look forward to some actual blog entries soon. Very soon. No, really.
And now I have another reason to dislike Matthew McConaughey.
Apparently he's going around planting human placentas in orchards. Well, he hasn't done it yet. But he's talking about it in an interview on CNN's "House Call with Dr. Sanjay Gupta" which airs in two parts on Aug. 9 and Aug 16.
Personally, I can't think of anything more loving and natural than keeping the afterbirth of my newborn son and later burying it where a fruit tree can suck up all that delicious human effluence.
I can't even fathom the stench this thing will exude after sitting in a dusty jar on their kitchen counter all this time. I'm betting the thing won't even stay buried for more than 10 minutes before being dug up by some kind of wild animal.
If this sort of behavior isn't illegal then it should be.
You just know Matthew is going to revisit the tree and feed his son one of the apples. That is not what Elton meant by the circle of life.
Goodbye Grandpa Ken
My grandfather died this past weekend.
To attend the funeral I flew to Arkansas where he lived with his second wife who died a few years back. The journey to Mountain Home was long, stressful, and rather unpleasant. It took over 18 hours of traveling to finally arrive.
That's worth saying again. It took me over 18 hours to get there.
There were 6 hours of that time which I spent in the Kansas City Missouri airport because the ticket for a leg of my flight route was canceled.
No, I didn't say the flight was canceled. Read that again. I said that the ticket I bought and paid for was canceled.
So a wacky little company called Mesa Airlines was going to connect me to Harrison Arkansas, 30 minutes from where I was staying in Mountain Home. Instead they decided that they weren't going to fly me the 226 miles and they would keep my money anyway.
After complaining to the one woman at the airport who works for them, she agreed to give me a ticket on one of the other airlines to Little Rock which left 4 hours later. That meant my family picking me up from an airport 3 hours away. We didn't get to the house till 2am.
I grabbed a couple hours of sleep before waking up and getting dressed. I'm just thankful that I got there in time for the funeral.
My grandfather's passing was rather surprising and very sad. Deaths to me, whether expected or unexpected, are always extremely upsetting. In this case there was also a bittersweet quality about the occasion. On one hand was the loss of my grandfather. On the other hand, it gave me a chance to see everyone on my father's side of the family-- all those who live in Chicago, Phoenix, and other places, whom I rarely see anymore.
Being around that part of my family made me realize that I enjoy the company of those relatives. Sure, some of them are kooky, but I grew up with them. We're all that brand of crazy. We all went camping together quite often in Arkansas. It was the consensus that we'd all gone far too long without a family reunion. Hopefully we can do that early this summer.
One of the best parts of the trip was seeing my dad and younger brothers. I don't get to see those guys as often as I should. Not even as often as I'd like to-- and that could turn out to be a regret of mine if I don't act.
We all did a lot of driving during our time together. Since it had been so long since the whole family spent summers in Arkansas we took our own tour of the places we camped when we were younger.
All told I spent 26 hours at my grandfather's house before it was time to leave and head home. My dad, brothers, sister, and I drove back to Chicago. On the way we dropped off my sister to catch a flight from St. Louis to West Palm Beach. It was good to see the old arch again. After that we headed to the Midway airport in Chicago for my return flight to San Diego.
The ride to San Diego was quite painless, especially compared to my flights two days before. I'm sort of partial to Chicagans so it was nice to be on a plane with them. They are quite the attractive bunch. I'm just saying.
In the end, I have so many good memories of my grandfather. Not a single bad one exists. Maybe one day I'll open that part of my life up to the blog, but not tonight. Ken will be missed by me, my family, his friends, and all those he left behind.
It's big enough to design clothes for, kids!
Am I the only one who saw the Disney Little Princess Sing 'n Style Princess dolls commercial during the 10pm Project Runway Reunion?
And before that was a trailer for a movie about a girl who has a pig's nose and learns to love herself.
No, not like that.
Who's watching Project Runway these days? Is it being played at daycare?
Oh, and by the way. I'm making a comeback. Yeah. So watch out. Bitches.
Driving for a cause
The other day I was reminded of my charity fund-raising efforts when I received a commission check for the people who bought their Christmas crap using my shopping portal.
That check is still sitting on the counter. I might have deposited it immediately except for the fact that it would have cost me more to drive to the bank than the check is worth.
Frankly, I'm just excited that we raised any money at all. The funds from the Amazon purchases might not get here for a while though-- they require $100 in commission before they'll issue a check. Yeah, I'm not really expecting to see that money. Ever.
All told I believe the event raised about $18. I've only got $6.72 of that but I'll donate the rest anyhow.
Speaking of Mama's Kitchen, Steve and I have decided that we're going to take over the North Park driving route on Friday afternoons. He's helped out there before. That's a picture of him from their web site, mixing up something delicious by the looks of it. I think he likes cooking in bulk.
Orientation for the volunteer positions was last Thursday morning. Since there are many different volunteer jobs at The Kitchen we toured the building, including dropping into the actual kitchen where all the meals are prepared and bagged for delivery. It's quite impressive to see all the large brown bags out and being stuffed to the brim with food. I had hoped that they would give demonstrations of driving on local streets and taking bags of groceries in and out of the trunk. That didn't happen.
However, the very next afternoon Steve and I did the route. Basically they give you a set of driving directions and a map with all the drop-off locations marked. They also give you a list of your clients with their addresses and telephone numbers. You grab the appropriate number of meal bags and hot meals, load em up, and set out for delivery.
The task itself doesn't take very long. I think it took us under an hour and a half to do the entire route. One of the clients wasn't home, so in that case you can do whatever you want with the extra food. I hadn't had any lunch, and the hot meal looked pretty damn good, but we ended up leaving everything in the park nearby for the homeless people. It was strange just leaving it there, but if you've only got one bag and there are 3 homeless people, what are you supposed to do? I don't want to start a bum fight!
I'm looking forward to doing it again this Friday.
My Sister's Visit
One of the most exciting things that happened in February was that my sister, Christine, visited me for four days. It's the first time in a while that we've been able to hang out one-on-one and it was really nice.
We kept the visit pretty low key. During the mornings and afternoons for breakfast or lunch we'd go to a cafe. I made sure we hit up the favorites-- Cafe On Park and The Cantina. For dinner my sister cooked some of her delicious recipes, including a Turkey Meatloaf. I was a skeptic but it turned out to be amazing.
One evening we had dinner at Baja Betty's and then drinks at Bourbon Street. The picture above is the two of us before we headed out into the night.
Growing up my sister and I weren't close at all. In fact, on any randomly sampled day we were probably yelling vulgarities at each other. But thankfully things change and so do people. I'm grateful for that.
Holiday Shopping For A Cause
The holidays are a way of reminding us of the important people in our lives. They also remind us that there are people less fortunate and in difficult circumstances. During the holiday season some of us choose to make donations of money, food, toys, and even volunteer our personal time for causes we care about.
Mama's Kitchen is a truly wonderful, not-for-profit, volunteer-driven organization in San Diego that prepares and delivers meals to men, women, and children who are home-bound and living with AIDS and other critical illnesses.
These delicious, nutritious meals are carefully made and delivered by a team of volunteers at no cost to those in need of this service. More importantly, on some days these volunteers are often the only friendly face these people will see.
When you purchase items from my online retailer gateways, which are found using the Shopping link at the top of the page, you will be helping Mama's Kitchen to support individuals in need. I will be donating a portion of the proceeds from all sales through these links directly to Mama's Kitchen.
I don't want to sound like a commercial, but I believe every bit helps. This holiday season you can make a difference with each purchase made through the shopping gateway.
Thank you for your help!
Quote of the Day
Steve - 11:11am
That's what the holodeck looks like when you're not running a program. (In reference to a QVR scene loading.)
Tanner Rides Again
Tanner raced again at Oak Tree in Santa Anita yesterday, October 18th, in the Race 2. I wasn't able to go up from San Diego for the race but I did get a chance to watch it from the Del Mar Race Track.
I'm so proud of our little horse! The race went off and Tanner hovered around 4th or 5th place. As the horses rounded the turn to the home stretch, Tanner made his move around the outside and into 3rd place. As the lead pack galloped down the straight-away he made his move for 1st place. Unfortunately, one of the other horses was also on the move. Tanner never saw the horse coming and ended up finished the race in 2nd place, losing 1st place by only half a length.
I'm happier than can be with his performance. He's an amazing horse with a lot of potential. On one hand, I'd be a little depressed if he won the race and I wasn't able to be in the winner's circle for the photo. And on the other hand, I always want him to win first place. Now I'm just afraid that someone will claim him at the next race.
July was one of the most insane, exciting, extreme, and screwed up months that I've ever been through. And no, I'm not exaggerating!
The month of July started with me flipping out about my health. Pondering your own demise is not fun-- especially when you can't share with anyone the fact that you think you're going to die.
That was quickly followed by my birthday. I'm dying! Let's celebrate!
The absolute best part of July was when I started dating Steve again. We went on a couple of dates a year ago, but we put a possible relationship on hold for Steve to direct his attention towards another developing relationship with someone overseas that he'd been seeing.
Steve ended up calling it quits six months later. A few months passed and June 6th was rolling around-- election night. That's the usual time when Steve and I run into each other. I emailed him about the upcoming event and he responded that he wouldn't be there this year for our usual rendezvous because he had to be in Sacramento. So instead he invited me to dinner.
That's where we come to the complete alienation of my best friend Brad. Here's some advice to those wishing to break bad news-- timing is everything! Don't do it at a happy event. It doesn't make it any easier. It spoils the fun. Don't do it. I wish that I had thought about that one a little more.
August 14th was one of the most fucked up days I've ever had. Period. It was as if the forces of the universe wanted nothing more than to rape every emotion I have. Repeatedly. Let me elaborate...
That day was Brad's birthday. It was so exciting because on that very day our horse, A Toast To Tanner, was set to run at Del Mar around 3:30pm. That morning I got a call from my mom that her breast cancer was back. Wow. It was nearly impossible to hold back the tears later on in front of my friends, who were so excited about Tanner running. The race went off and Tanner finished 6th. After the races were over we all went to dinner for Brad's birthday.
Near the end of that week my mom’s biopsy results came in-- the lump was benign.
My trip to Montreal with Steve was from September 5th through the 12th. There’s so much to be said about how amazing it was, but I'll refrain for now. Details will be spilled in a follow-up posting.
When I got back from Montreal it was only a few days till Tanner raced again on September 16th. This time in Pomona, and this time he came in second place!
Coming down from that high, only a day later, Brad told me that he needed distance from me and our friendship. Being out of contact while I was in Montreal had helped him and he wanted more time apart.
Finally, I wrap up with my sister just being released out of the hospital today. She went to the ER the middle of last week with a fever that would spike as high as 105.3. It's difficult being so far away from her and not knowing what's going on. It's not like I can just make a quick drive from San Diego to Palm Beach. The doctors think, by process of elimination, that it was a reaction to a new medication. Unfortunately, there's no way to know now without putting her back into danger. I'm just glad she's at home and getting better.
There’s more to what happened since July started but I have to hold back for now for reasons which will be clear later. It's that damn Gray Online.
Espen, I defy gravity.
The Gray Online
So I've been a little lacking in how often I post to my blog. You'd think that with everything I have going on it would be easy to write about at least some of it.
Turns out that really isn't the case. Not only is it difficult to make the time for a well thought-out entry, there's also a huge gray area when posting stories about my personal life.
It was easier to write when I was single because I didn't have to address a lot of topics. What makes that difficult is the diverse group of people who read my blog-- family, friends, people I've worked with, people I still work with, and perspective employers.
A couple of days ago I decided to more clearly define the line between private and public, and my posts from now on will reflect some of those decisions.
Julie McAdam Farr
She wants a mention, so here it is... Julie's Company
...mostly! Work is kicking my ass. I have to apologize up front to the people I've disconnected myself from in the past week, and all the calls I haven't returned. I've been having a rough time the last two weeks with some health issues which are being exacerbated by the fact that work is so crazy. The next two weeks are going to be a continuation of my life in hell but it should get better after that, hopefully. I don't know how much longer I can take this.
Looking back, my last post was in April, and that’s way too long ago for a respectable blogger. I’ll try to do better. Honestly. Okay, maybe in a couple weeks.
Everything is Illuminated
It's time for a little movie review. I do this sometimes when I see a movie that's so good, or bad, that I must write about it. I went into this movie not knowing what to expect. It's essentially an Indie film, but with Elijah Wood. Now I know Elijah Wood goes off the beaten path quite a bit, but I hadn't expected him to do a film like this, not immediately after Lord of the Rings.
With a rather slow start, I found myself checking my watch thinking, "When does the stuff I saw in the trailer happen? The movie's got to be half over!" Only minutes later the story started to build speed, locking in my interest.
Wow. I mean, wow. My mom once complained, through tears streaming down her face, "They should warn you that a movie has something like this in it!" I enjoy watching a film and being so involved that when something dramatic happens it takes my emotions by surprise and really has an affect. Everything is Illuminated suddenly left me, well, illuminated. The feeling I got was incredibly powerful and almost unwelcome, yet rewarding at the same time.
I know, I haven't said anything about the plot. You'd have no idea what this movie might be about from reading this. That's a good thing. This film has a great story to tell, and its definitely worth a watch.
Oh Good God and Heaven
My blog entries always seems to start off this way, but...
I know, I know! It's been forever and a day since I last posted.
Now that I have that out of the way, lets get to the details. I've been busy out of my mind. There's been so much I don't even know where to start. Perhaps I can eek one post from the more than 2 months since my last post! Like the canned, flaked mashed potatoes... The thin soup made from the bones of a two week old chicken carcass... The sauce made from the core of this rotting, melted apple... Sorry, getting off topic here.
Here goes nothing! No, really, I have nothing. Like the Splenda in your coffee, I give you nothing.