|How'd you get here?
So it's been a while since I've done anything with my web site. And when I say it's been a while I mean that it's been months. It was so bad I had to update my age, weight, and pictures. Lame, I know, but I’m here for you now.
Today I was doing some maintenance and reading over the site statistics. Part those reports are what search terms people typed in to wind up finding something on my site.
And that's where we're at-- my content offering today is your own content. Literally. It's as if I ate the crap you gave me and returned the favor the next day. My entire post is about your search terms. And by you, I mean you. And that one person you told about my Matthew McConaughey post. Since you’re basically the only one who visits this site, you should recognize most of these.
Let me start by saying that, for obvious reasons, “Chaz Watson” or “Chaz San Diego” are the most common searches that lead here. Now that Chastity Bono is Chaz Bono, anything with the word Chaz in it seems to be associated with the Bonos. Personally, I think I’m owed something for that. Cher, you can make things better by giving me a backstage pass. I’m just saying.
Beginning our adventure, the most common non-Chaz search term was “workaholic”, and I can understand that. The thing I don’t understand is how “workaholic” was searched for only during business hours. Are you people mocking me?
Related phrases for you non-working workaholic web surfers include “bang head here” and “work is killing me”. Telling, isn’t it?
The next most popular category of searches is really for the people who appear in my entries. Most of the time it looks like the visitor was searching for their own name. If you’re trying to find yourself, I’d recommend taking a long walk on the beach. You might make things worse by reading what I have to say about you. Yes, Kris Van Cleave, I'm talking to you.
Another category, if you can call it that, would be for all things colonic. Yep, you read that correctly. Just call me the definitive source, because apparently you’ll find me when you go looking for “colonic”, “colonic dvd”, and “Elton colonic”. It's good to know I can provide that kind of relief.
“Sears SNC” is also popular. That’s a little wireless gizmo the associates at Sears use to do inventory and such.
And finally we come to the WTF category of searches. This is the good stuff. This is what you've been craving. You’ve made it this far, slurping up this thin soup of an article, and now you’re down to the bottom of the bowl-- the meat byproduct of this entry.
My web site was clicked on by people searching for:
“sing n' style commercial”
”pig nose on human”
“fuck this school you fucking bitches!!!! from chaz”
Yes, these are for real. I’m not funny enough to make this crap up. Frankly, I think all these searches came from one person. And I certainly hope you found what you were looking for.